better things
i know i've heard it all before
i don't work up to potential
if i don't start doing some work
i'll fail myself right out of high school
i'm the one who earns the grade
i'm only hurting myself
fine
lay the burden on me
let me take the blame
just once listen to what i have to say
and think about it
i'm not trying to say what you're doing is totally wrong
you're the most well meaning group of people i know
its that you don't realize
that as much as we like to think so
all people are not the same
all i ever wanted was the right
to be treated differently from others
what works for one
or even many
does not always work for another
i am so tired of a society which treats each individual
as a part of a whole
as one of a group
(i may add a group they were placed in by those
who deem it necessary to irreverently judge people)
our society is based on the will of the masses
i want to learn
i want to think freely
i want to do what is right for me
not
what was right for some long past deceased educator
who thought they were right in their own time
but is dead wrong now
change is not so bad
why fear change
are things that great now
or have we given up on striving for a better life
all of you
be content then
i will be moving on to better things
I do not even know if this is a poem or a prose poem or what. You see, I felt unchallenged and uninspired in school, though I seek knowledge, and if they actually covered this, it was at atime when I had already lost faith in the teacher and was probably writing in class. This thing here is like an open letter to my educators. So, it was probably written in '89 or '90.
for J.D.
i stand in my church
on my religion
it' s lonely here
this church is my devotion
i can have no friends
i concentrate on my thoughts
my dreams
i stand here in fear of my god
oh to write the scenes men live
i would have to grow old
I wrote this for a friend. She turned this in as her English class assignment. I can recall three times I did homework that other people turned in, though I rarely did my own assignments. I think it was the obligation I objected to most, and the attempts to control me. Everything would have gone better if I had had private tutors or if the teachers had just stopped giving me busy work and taught me things I was actually interested in learning. Oh, this is in the voice of James Dean. My friend gave me a book on him before I wrote it.
this is real
i can't accept this world i live in
this is reality
and the world out there is real
real and cruel to hearts
hearts like me and you…
there is a great need
to love and to be loved
a great longing feeling to share souls
there is such a desire to touch
such desire to drown in those eyes
This was me as a teen: very with the idealism and 'reality is painful'. I still think the world cruel, but I am less idealistic. Well, I want things to be an ideal, I think that things 'should', I just do not expect that they will.
all my fault
reading through the pages of nostalgia
i feel a sorrow inside me
as i remember the time
when i first loved you
my heart does ache at the thought of it all
i know i should have told you dear
how i wanted to tell you
but i was too shy
it's all my fault for not telling you
and now you will never know of
all the feelings i held for you
and it's all my fault
Man, when I reread all thes old 'poems' I realize that I wrote about love a lot. That seems strange now, since I find it hard to believe that I ever really loved anyone. What I mean is, if you think that you love someone, or you are once in a relationship, and it turns out that you were not loved back or you were not a good match, then you tend to think what you felt was not 'true' love in the first place, because true love wouldn't turn out bad like that. Right? I've never had 'love' that didn't turn out bad. If I had, I'd still be with them.
untitled
there is such injustice
and mothers weep
the fathers are dying
and children don't sleep
we are the future
the kids of today
striving to succeed
looking for the way
put down so often
my heart does ache
we mustn't fail with
so much at. stake
open your hearts to love
we do beg and plead
give all that you can
to those in need
This one seems to have a sort of rhyme scheme. Looks like in every four lines the second and fourth line rhyme. Otherwise, the actual words seem kinda sappy to me...like I was trying too hard to make a statement.
for nikki
"get out of here"
that's what she said
staring at me
boring holes through my head
slam the door
run upstairs
what business does
she have in my affairs
loud music
beating in my head
i just sit wishing
wishing she were dead
she doesn't care
what dues she know
i wont be left out
all my friends get to go
"so get out of my life
i don't need you anymore"
i'll just dance up here
putting holes in the floor
the phone rings
and i'm first to grab it
i say hello
out of force of habit
then drop the receiver
think of a plan
climb out the window
as fast as I can
it want solve anything
running away
maybe i'll go back
but not today
One of those character voice type things. I think that in all my past writing I have had three different characters named Nikki (or Niki). Guess I thought the name sounded kewl. This Nikki had an overbearing mother. Also, there is a rhyme scheme here. Seems to be the second and fourth lines in every four, again.
to love a savior
to love a savior is a brilliant thing
and a sorrowful thing as well
for if you happen to be a savior
you both are of the chosen few
living in separate worlds
longing for each other
responsible for so many
and knowing oh so little
when the saviors finally find each other
it's easy to forget their worlds
and slip into their own world
alone and close together
they are forced to face responsibility
and lead ones who would lead them
"why'd i have to be the chosen one?"
they ask as they are torn apart
to love a savior is a brilliant thing
and a sorrowful thing as well
i do not wish to be a savior
not even for one day
This is not really in a character voice, but it is written about a situation and characters that I wrote about. I was working on this sort of science-fiction (or space fantasy) type series at one time. There were multiple 'saviors' in their race and they were all teenagers or the equivalent thereof and some were in love with each other. I stopped writing that series.
in the meadow
a girl so innocent and sweet
with grace and beauty
she walks through the meadow
and dances with the flowers
her voice is rich and pleasant
to the ear she sings a
celestial melody a song
with heavenly sound
many a young man would love her
attracted by her song
but she will have none of them
she dances with her white dress on
but she's lonely
and one day
she meets a boy
and falls for him completely
his marble white skin
his dazzling eyes
they dance all night in the meadow
under the stars
he feels he must have her
to take her to hold her to him
and listen to her innocent heart
the misty night under the moon
the act that took place
in that dark meadow
guilt and shame
the maid lies in the grass
the sun rises
in terror runs the boy
she lies there
not singing not dancing
wearing her red dress
in the meadow
This is the sort of poem that tells a story. I think you can tell what the story is. I do not recall when I wrote it or what might have inspired it.
black
black is the color of mourning
i mourn for the world
black is the universal color
i am one with the universe
Like a mantra or something. A meditation?
must I fool you
how much longer must I fool you
how can i keep up this deception
you will never know what's true
i can't bear your warm reception
i never wanted to pretend
i don't want to trick you
i'm afraid our love will end
if you're told i'm not true
i'm living two lives
living under false pretenses
and everyone connives
against me they're relentless
This one rhymes ever other line. I am not sure about the content, I suspect, but do not specifically recall, it is inspired by a story I was writing at the time, the same story related to 'for nikki' and 'to love a savior'.
wishing
some days i wish i could sleep
on a peaceful cloud
taking in the soft sun rays
never to hear a noise that's loud
other days i wish i could fly
among the stars
and live in space
away from noisy cars
there are days i wish i could die
and never be seen again
and put myself to sleep
listening to the rain
most days i wish i could settle
for just being me
because i'm not really content
with everything i see
Again the second and fourth lines in every four rhyme. Just me saying things I wished.